I just got to Barcelona a few hours ago, had myself nap and woke up to find myself alone. Only, I’m not really alone. I’m surrounded by other travellers, and other stories, yet the people that I had to leave behind are missing, so I am alone. I am alone. I’m finding it a bit hard to breath so I came outside. At least this way, I can feel closer to them because we are looking at the same sky, or maybe it makes no difference, but I feel closer to them. I want to remember the nights I’ve just had with them because they brought me happiness. They made me feel alive, free, comfortable, and safe. I don’t want to wake up tomorrow morning and not have plans for the day with them. I don’t want to know that I will not be seeing them tonight for one of our unforgettable nights. Most of all, I don’t want to miss them. But I do. Just a few hours ago we had no troubles, and now they fill the spaces between us. Where are they now? What are they doing? When will I see them again? I mean yeah, with technology and everything at our disposal we can communicate as much as we want. But those Madrid nights… Those Madrid nights… With them. Those are gone. They are gone forever but kept in our memories for always. It’s so interesting how something can be gone forever, but immortalized and eternal at the same time eh?
When I was at the airport I was so focused on making sure I did everything right, because I had come from a night club at 4 am. I didn’t have time to miss them, or to think about much. We waited together for my cab, I smiled at them and blew them a kiss, they blew me one too. I let the moment slip away. I could have thought about how much I would miss them while I was with them so I could hug them, kiss them, or even just have a laugh! But I was just so happy with them. And then I got into the plane and fell asleep; I was knackered! I’m here in Barcelona asking myself how this happened. How did this happiness turn into this gutting feeling? What am I doing alone here? I feel so helpless and far from everyone and everything. So far from those nights that until last night were the way my life was playing out. Now here we are. Well, here I am.
I cannot wait to continue on my adventures and see what life will bring my way, what I will discover, and who I will meet! However, as it does every time, the blues takes over for a bit. I don’t just get it at the end of my trips, I get it in between as well, because every bit of the trip is a different story with a different blues. This is because each story is filled with such happiness and joy! It is a wonderful thing, really… I suppose it’s inevitable as well though isn’t it? It’s part of life, being human, building relationships, and memories.
When I travel alone, I find myself missing things as well. I miss the routine I made or the smells, the sites, the feelings. When I travel alone but meet people and become close to them so quickly, I find myself feeling my usual longing, but with the addition of all these people that I now must say goodbye to. At least when I am always alone, I can’t miss anyone. I am the only one involved. But when several people are involved, there are that many more links made, bonds formed, memories shaping, and that much more to let go of when you leave.
I have plans to see some of my new friends in the weeks to come! one of them will be meeting me in France and the other will be showing me around Bruges and Amsterdam! That keeps me looking up! I reckon as I start exploring tomorrow I will feel better as well. I just need this one night to feel it all. So now, I will sleep on it and start fresh tomorrow. This travel blues is real. It always is. It’s part of the package. It’s what meeting new people and exploring new places is all about. Just like the charm of Madrid that I felt so blessed to experience, I must find the blessing in even being able to feel this blues. I guess This first week really was as amazing as it felt. 🙂