I have not written in a few months, which was probably not a good idea, but I felt I either had too much or too little to say. During my travels I found myself thinking so much about what would happen once I was done and what kind of job I would find in England, and how I would balance school and work again. I don’t think I lived in each moment quite as much as I would have liked to. Though, I tend to do that a lot. I tend to look ahead and see how fast I can get there rather than thinking about where I am and what this moment means. Of course, I would often take the time to evaluate and live in my present moment but the contrast between those days and all the others was too noticeable, in my opinion. There should be a more constant sense of mindfulness in my days. This is not to say that planning for tomorrow is not important, but simply that it should not be at the detriment of today.
I suppose the point I am trying to make is that things always do work out in some way. If tomorrow comes, it will happen and you will exist in any way that you can and know how. Ideally, things would always work out exactly how we want them to. But, in reality they just happen and it either exceeds our expectations, meets them, or disappoints them. However, tomorrow always comes. In this case, the day you are thinking of, for the sake of this post, will arrive and you will either be employed, or not, have a flat, or not, be in one city or another and time will go on. If you look at it that way, you can see a few things:
- every day is so small
- every day is so big
- in the big picture of your life, what was that one day?
- your big picture is made up of all your days
While some of that may contradict the other, it’s important to notice that it is not only about how you choose to see it, it is about finding a balance between them. Every day IS small. One bad day will not make a bad year. Equally, it could. It could be a life changing day. It could change the big picture, just the way it can easily be forgotten.
Think about it. You don’t remember every single day you have had in your life. But you remember the ones that stood out. The reason for this, is because some days were in high relief compared to the back drop of the mundane days. Just like a sculpture, if you will. Take a painting for instance. If there is a painting of a lady walking on the beach at sunset, there are probably certain parts of the painting you could remove and still know it was an image of a lady walking on the beach at sunset. On the other hand, there are parts of the painting which removing would make one unsure of what was happening. It may be a long shot analogy but the point is, some days are the back drop, and some days are the main focal point.
What is important, I think, is not so much focusing on what the end result will be but rather focusing on each day, whether it will end up being a focal point, or a part of the backdrop. Why? Because in every given day, that present moment that you should try to think about at least once, is the focal point. That day is the thing you should be focusing on. It is the highlight of your life because it’s the day in which you are. It can be whatever you want it to be. Let’s say you have a boring work day, well that will probably be a backdrop day later on, but hey in the moment you are all about being tired and bored at work. Or, you are all about having the best day at work. It doesn’t really matter at that point. Ideally, you would aim to make the best of all your days, but at the very least just be aware of them. Anyway, that’s what I’ll aim to do more.
If I think that one minute I was in Montreal, Canada doing and being one thing, then I travelled for several months and am now doing and being someone else here in Wimbledon, London I think of all the moments that have passed and feel I may not even remember them enough. They may have been some of the most amazing, but because they were still accompanied by some mundane ones, some bad days, and just the reality of life, the whole of them do look particularly incredible, but I am not convinced I was any more mindful. Which leads me to think that it is all about what we make it. It doesn’t matter if that period of time we are looking back on is world travel or months of routine life; if we keep looking ahead all the time, everything will pass us by. I can imagine that it must be a terrible feeling for one to find oneself at the end of their lives having completely let their lives pass them by. They would start to resent letting even the less that memorable days slip away. I think that’s where “life is short” comes from, amongst other things.
In the end, every present day is the day or part of the days that I once was thinking about. It came, finally, here I am, yet I keep thinking of tomorrow for some reason. It will come, as today has. From yesterday TO tomorrow, there is TOday. That’s what I’ll be about now; no matter what kind of day it ends up being. There will never be another February 19th, 2018. So happy today everyone!