Answering to yourself

Hey everyone and happy Monday!

 

Today, I thought I would talk about life, control, judgments, and perhaps offer some perspective in how to sort these things out in our daily lives. It will be done through personal writing especially, as I was quite inspired in my few days at bed rest, to let myself feel a certain way, and now I am allowing myself to share, so thank you.

We are all familiar with the feeling of life getting crazy and everything going all over the place in our minds and around us. We are also too familiar with the judgments around us, the opinions, the expectations.

I, unfortunately find myself to be quite sensitive to these sorts of things. I am triggered (more often than I like to admit) by people who criticise or judge me for no reasons, or who come to their own conclusions based on nothing, or who, worst of all, refuse to accept what I tell them or what they see I am about and just twist information and invent nasty things about me to make themselves feel better. Now I know I am not the only one. I’m sure no one enjoys this. But speaking for myself, I can say I do find great annoyance and frustration in these sorts of people and their negative actions. Perhaps it’s because I find it is imposing and overbearing. Maybe it’s because it’s intrusive and inappropriate. Or maybe it is just down right annoying to have someone that focused and determined to make you out to be someone who are not and make you feel bad. Equally, I do not like people using the “I know you so well” to judge me or label me certain things because it is convenient for them. At the very least, even if I was like that, I have changed and loved ones really should evolve with you in that way and recognise you for who you are or simply say nothing. That’s how I see it. And even IF I have a tendency to do something less than desirable; why does it mean so much to you? If it really does then tell me calmly and rationally. Otherwise, if it’s just to claim your importance and place in my life then you are not welcome. Again, my opinion. I do not do that to others, so I do not appreciate have it done to me. Moreover, it can be difficult with family because they play the card of having known you for ages and in ways you don’t know yourself etc. Yes, well there are also a myriad of things that only you know about yourself. Ways in which you have grow and shaped yourself that are your more truer qualities. If we grow wisely, we become stronger, better versions of ourselves. When we are young we have all these colours in our box. As we grow, we learn to mix them, use them, and create our story. That’s personal to us. Never forget that.

Yes, I know that it should not affect me as much, and I know that their nasty thoughts do not make it real in my life, but it’s still hurtful. I wish I could just get through to them and make it stop but unfortunately, these kinds of people will never stop. No matter what. So, instead, I have decided to take what they say and do, remind myself that it comes from a place of pain and malice on their part, and that I must feel compassion toward them. When I am able to do that, I know even more fully that what they said was untrue. I am more deeply sure that I am better, stronger, kinder, and wiser because I have a life and a strength of being that permits me to express forgiveness and compassion in the face of meanness and negativity. These are all largely due to giving up control. Which, by the way, is one of my most difficult things to keep down. I like to control. I think most of us do in different ways. But that’s a topic for another time. So I like to control, and I think it comes from fear. Fear that if I let go, I’ll lose it. But what am I afraid to lose? I have created my life and I am there for myself, so if I just surrender a bit, and let life in, and trust that I’ve made a mountain out of my life that will not crumble to some wind, then I know that there will be a mountain no matter what. The waves of the ocean will collide with it, as they are linked. Fire will comes from the creation because it is alive. It is all alive and it is my life, my existence, what I am and what I have humbly contributed to so far. So, if I just stop trying to make people into what they are not, and if I stop expecting negative people to change, and if I stop trying to make things happen magically but rather with patience realise that it’s about flowing not about one time happening, then maybe, just maybe, life will surprise me. Life may show me that I should put my energy into the how. I want to start a certain business; ok how will I do that? I want these people to not affect me; ok how do I do that? I want them to stop; yes, how do I do that? I turn my dreams into goals by planning, by learning along the way, and acquiring the pieces I need to build said goal. Or, following the other examples; I choose to separate myself from the situation, not take on what they say, and send them compassion instead, because I am good like that. I am kind like that. Lastly, I cannot change them or make them do anything. But for something to be complete as “done”, there has to be the desired outcome. Without that, it is not done. So, will I let it bring me down? Will I succumb to negativity? No. I will keep my head held high and focus on what makes my life undeserving of such hatred. Like when I mediate, and I am starting my initial focusing exercise after a busy day, I find my mind easily and quickly shifting toward my day’s stresses or what have you. I need to centre my mind, ground myself, and find balance between my mind and heart to achieve that peace and harmony. The stress could have completed its task of distracting me, but I did not let it, therefore, it did not happen. In other words, people can get a reaction out of you, but if you focus your mind not so much on “not reacting” but on just living your best life, you will be able to stay centred, grounded, balanced, which will allow you to give compassion and kindness, even in the most difficult situations, and yes, believe it or not, this will contribute to grand amounts of peace and harmony within you. You will discover an incomparable capacity to love, fully…

We are all different. I know that. But I also know that I always felt very different. Sometimes it made me feel very lonely growing up. Then in time, through finding myself I found it rather enriching and to be quite a privilege. I sometimes get told that I “over think” or get too “anxious” about things. Perhaps I do at times; when I give in to fear of course. But overall, by nature, I am a free spirit and I want to experience life and love. I want to love the town I’m in, love the people in my life, love my environment and so on. I  have an abundance of complexity and self awareness in my consciousness. Everyone has different levels of it. It does not make me a smarter or better person, it’s simply the way I am. Nevertheless, that beauty I go towards, that love I feel, the happiness I never want to let slip away, is that finesse of consciousness and awareness. It’s what I want and what means the most to me. My dreams, my goals, my life journey; it’s a colourful, passionate, at times temperamental and fiery, yet clear and rational path. It’s mine. I live it in every day, in every mundane moment, in every accomplishment or set back, no matter how big or small. So I trust myself that when I let go and let life take its course, that my path will guide me and my life will continue to be filled with peace and harmony and joy. That’s how I choose to centre, ground, and balance myself. This is my promise to myself.

Thank you kindly for reading

Write soon,

Gen x

Advertisements

2 Replies to “Answering to yourself”

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s