I’ve been back from Croatia for nearly a week now and what a difference being away has made. I do not remember the last time I was that happy and at peace. I had not been to my ancestral town in four years. It brought back the most amazing memories from the past and all the visits we made as a family. This time I was there with my boyfriend.
The smells were the same. The whole vibe. The smell of our home. The view from our backyard. Our olive trees, our fig trees, the camomile plants, the lavender plants, the cacti, the… everything. I miss it so much. To think that I was there before I started University, and now I am doing my Master’s and I’ve moved out, had a company, left to travel, attended Law School, and moved to England. I would never have thought 4 years ago that I would be here today. I never would have thought that I would feel all that I have felt. This is beyond “travel blues”. This is missing home. And forever I thought it was Canada. But it’s not. It’s this absolutely incredible town on a splendid island off the Dalmatian coast of Croatia.
On my last day at home I was swimming and found my neck was still hurting when I would swim too quickly for too long. I decided to just stop looking ahead and relax my muscles. I quickly realised (well not so quickly actually, as this whole moment alone took me two weeks to understand), that the key was to stop looking ahead so desperately. Then I realised (quickly this time), that this was the same in life!
Why am I always looking toward the sun or the horizon as if it were the ideal? Why I am looking ahead so intensely as if it were the ultimate destination? What am I trying to prove? Am I trying to accomplish something so I can believe I can? I am doing it to prove someone wrong? I am trying to say: “Hey! look at me. I finally did it. All this time, I was waiting for this moment and it’s finally here.”. That, in itself, is not a bad thing. It’s reality. It’s normal for us to push ourselves and to want to prove ourselves to ourselves or whomever else. However, when that is to the detriment of our own health or happiness, then it is a problem.
My neck was hurting so I looked down. I focused on each wave. Where was the rush? Where was I going? I wanted to feel like I moved quickly or that I was swimming and experience the glorious sea. Fine. How is that diminished if I take my time and experience each wave? Isn’t it then made more powerful? I believe so. Each wave is meeting with me and living the moment with me. Making the moment with me. Why would I ignore it? What if a wave gets into my nose or lungs? Do I want to forget it? Does it make everything less beautiful or less worth my while? NO. It’s just life. My goodness! It is SO NOT about the destination is it? Just so not. The only reason and way the destination will feel good is if I actually feel and realise what it was to get there. That’s the only way. If I don’t, then it may just look or sound good. But if I absolutely realise what getting there has meant, then I feel something at the destination that cannot even be explained or shared. Even if I mess up. That is something that I will have to realise on my own. The destination may seem the same. But I will know inside myself, what really is. In the end, it is all necessary and powerful.
I think that is the same with the whole of existence. What is existing? What is living? What is succeeding? What is having it all? What if I don’t want to buy a house or flat yet? What if I don’t want to start my career yet? What if I don’t think life is about that? What if I want to just experience my life in various ways? What if it is not so much about “career”, “hobbies”, “social life”, etc. and more about just living my damn life? I AM HAPPY THIS WAY. What if some of those ways are unusual for now? What if all of them are for ever? Who cares? Everyone has their own life. When there is a show someone doesn’t like, they don’t watch it. So do the same with my choices if you don’t like them. That’s what I always say.
My life, right now, is about me living my best life. It’s about experiencing life. It’s about feeling what I want to feel. It’s about being me. Doing me. Living my life. Creating my existence. That’s all. Nothing less, nothing more.
Every wave. Every splash. No matter the tide. No matter the position of the sun and moon. No matter the clarity of the horizon. I will no longer do anything to prove anything. I have nothing to prove. I am allowed to be here and live. I have a place and a purpose. I exist, I breath, I move, and I belong. It is my life to live. I will ride my own tide, befriend my own waves, share the delights and blessings of the world, and aim for my own horizon when I want to. I will look to my own vision of the sun and moon. I will live and let live because we are all worthy of such respect. If someone does not give you that respect, that’s ok. Give them theirs anyway, and then keep giving it to yourself.
I hope that those of you who need a reminder have been reminded.
I hope that those of you who need inspiration have been inspired.
I hope that those of you who need support have been supported.
I hope that those of you who need this have received this.
Thank you kindly for reading.
Love + Kindness = Harmony
Grace + Mindfulness = Serenity
Strength + Compassion = Forgiveness
Harmony + Serenirty + Forgiveness = Balance, Centre, and Ground.
All this brings peace.