I want to devote this post to the wellness of YOU on this Wellness Wednesday! That’s right! I want to write today to remind you that you are amazing! You are doing your best and you are making it matter. In fact, YOU are all you need. YOU MATTER!
Today is about YOU. Everyday is about YOU! Perhaps it is not all day everyday, but each day must have an important component devoted to you!
People will come at you from all angles to interrogate, judge, criticise, and all other ways in which people deal with their lack of being able to cope with themselves, and unload on others who scare them or who they feel are hurting them. Some even think they are doing it from a good place, some may actually may be coming from a good place, and some are just toxic individuals. Regardless, this post is not about them or how to navigate their stormy waters.
Focusing on yourself without being spiteful (or anything else for which you are too good!)
Yesterday, I was reminded of how easy it can be to feel vulnerable or hurt in the face of toxic energy and I decided that regardless of intent, the actions were hurtful, insensitive, unfounded, and toxic. I then realised that we go through these things because we must learn how to be stronger and wiser every time. We must learn to be gracious and compassionate toward these people and their energies. We must! We must also understand where it is coming from and focus less on how it came out and how it made us feel. Whether or not someone is trying to hurt you, focus on where this sort of negativity comes from. This will not only allow you to move away from your disappointment or hurt, but it will allow you to gain perspective. What does perspective bring? It bring room for understanding, and understanding leaves room for compassion, and then forgiveness. So focus on yourself. Remember that people’s thoughts and words have NOTHING TO DO with your actual life! I cannot stress this enough. PEOPLE’S THOUGHTS AND WORDS HAVE NOTHING TO DO WITH YOUR LIFE AS IT STANDS!
Being ok with people’s judgments (one of your best emotional tools)
Does this make you angry to think about? Do you suddenly feel like I am being way too passive? Are you suddenly thinking about how “you must set boundaries” and how “you must state your position” or perhaps even how “they should learn a lesson”? You may or may not be. You may or may not have been there. I know I have! But this is the big breaking point and her is what you can do about it to change your life:
Do you know how and why you will be ok with it?
Do you know how you will be stronger?
Do you know how you will do this?
Do you know why you will be happier?
You will be ok with it because you will not be angry about it. You will not be hurt by it. You will not be a victim to it or a passive person to it. Fighting back, giving in, reading, and all those actions make you just as much of a victim. What makes you rise above is not what you do or don’t do, but rather WHY you do or don’t do something in response to negative or toxic people. I tend to let people go on about their negative stuff and even insults and judgments because there is no point in arguing. They will just be fuelled and continue. My silence in those moments is WAY more valuable and beneficial for me. Other times, I respond or I answer a question or I defend myself gently. This is usually if I feel they are asking a question, or that I can easily answer something without it become too intense or without getting too involved. Other times I simply say nothing, do not engage, and go on with my life. Why? Because the effect of toxic people depends on my involvement in the situation. It takes time to get here but you can get here. Heck, I am here (for the most part) but some things still hurt me. What happens, however, is that I know how to remove my engagement and not be hurt anymore because I have remembered all of this. I remember that the effect it has on my life is one that only I can allow. If I keep my door open all day, all kinds of things could enter. Instead, I choose what and who I let in wisely. So I do the same with the door of my existence. Do not just let everything and everyone in!
You will be happier this way because you will not always be on edge or defensive or threatened or angry toward people. You will be able to care for yourself and protect yourself. Most importantly, you will be so filled with this natural abundance of love and acceptance that you will be able to share it. You will even be able to share it with the toxic people by showing them compassion and forgiveness. Always remember that people who cause pain ARE in pain. You don’t wish pain on anyone. And being kind to them does not mean you are not doing what is best for you. Being kind to all IS what is best for you. More to the point, being kind to all is something you can only do if you are so good to yourself that you live and breathe kindness and compassion.
What’s the takeaway in this likely bitter-sweet topic?
You can only offer what you have and that applies to other and you. If you are not ready to accept and love yourself, you can not do so for others. And if you cannot even do that for yourself, who will protect you from people who cause you pain. BE THERE FOR YOURSELF! Remember yourself! You are YOU and you MATTER!