- Residing in a place of grace rather than a place of judgment
There’s a difference between not agreeing with someone or not being in alignment with someone’s thoughts and beliefs, and actually reacting to triggers and actively taking negative action or though toward someone.
One resides in assessment and in a non-attachment form of understanding where you and this person differ where your value do not align. The other is the active throwing of negative energy toward someone.
NOTE: You’re allowed to say “That was rude” or “That is hurtful/annoying/mean” without being negative, vengeful, and troubled. Non-attachment does not mean you don’t acknowledge people’s behaviours and the nature of people’s actions and words. It just means that you do not take it on. This takes time to work through, especially with people we were once close to or that are in our lives.
What now? Acknowledge. Accept. Detach. Move on. Every day. A little more.
2. What you want to offer to others and what you wish to receive from the world
Reside in a neutral place. Reside in a place that is connected to your truest self, where the energy is pure and there is no room for distraction and negativity. When you allow murky water to settle, it will clear. When you let your mind settle, it will also clear. Then, you can navigate calmer waters and find the answers you are looking for.
- Accept that you care.
- Then, accept what you care about and why? without judgment.
- Next, what are your expectations, what is the reality. What must I accept and come to terms with.
3. Picking your battles
Sometimes it’s worth going for your closure to the person or people involved. Sometimes it’s important to state your boundaries.
But first, what is worth your time? What will not move forward form here? Is there room for this to move with sound and rational thought and conversation? Be honest with yourself.
If it sticks with you, that’s ok. You need to work through it and life is telling you to move through it. So breathe… work through it. Let it go.
If you do go for your closure by reaching out to the people in question.
Are you ready for an outcome that is not what you expected? Are you ready to accept that they may not be where you are and that it will hurt more? This is where you need to see what and who it is about. Is it vengeance? It is closure? Is it about you? Or is it about them? If it’s not enough from within and focused on yourself, then the reaction is not your focus. Which means that no matter the outcome, you will have done what you needed. You’ll be affected by a negative outcome, but you won’t be as fussed.
You’ll find that when you bring it back to yourself, you find that you can actually give yourself the closure. You’re all that you needed. You are who you are. You do your best. The dynamic is such, but you do you. Find that balance. Know when your work is finished for this phase.
4. Where pain is caused, pain is felt
Don’t take it on.
Internalising pain and letting yourself feel other people’s pain and negativity is going to hurt you. No one else, only you. It is not on you. You have to choose yourself. You have to do what makes you happy. Do harm to none. Especially yourself. Ok? Especially yourself! Be the person you needed as a kid, or in your darkest hour, or most painful time. Don’t be the reason you suffer and the reason you feel weak.
- Separate yourself from where other people cannot separate from you
If people feel negative energy toward you for your accomplishments or where you are in life, you have to separate from that. They are raw in their pain and cannot separate form those who scare them or the things that trigger their deepest vulnerabilities.
You are the vehicle through which they are feeling all this stuff toward themselves. Everyone acknowledges and feels various things for others. We all have things that rub us the wrong way or to which we feel drawn. But not everyone takes it any further. Not everyone starts to become abusive or mean. I know it can be hard to defend yourself without taking it too far. I know. It can be hard not to hold a grudge or feel resentment toward someone. Forgiveness is deeply difficult in many cases. But again remember BALANCE. Do not take it on. Do right by yourself. Feel it. Defend yourself if the situation calls for it. Let yourself feel that whole narrative. Then heal. Let it go.
NOTE: Especially in toxic relationships. Balance can be so difficult to find when living through it. It’s so hard to find balance between “innocent” human tendencies, and toxicity. The bottom line is that it is toxic behaviour. A person does not have to be a criminal to exhibit toxic behaviour. We are not here to label people. We are here to promote healthy patterns and behaviours.
What next? Tell them (in your head or in person) that you genuinely understand the pain they may be going through. You know how difficult it must be as you have had your own pain as well. That this dynamic alone is painful to you. Express compassion, but explain that what they are doing is wrong. That they are making a conscious decision to be this way, or at the very least are not bothered or aware by their negative actions is reason enough for your to pull away and move on to better things.
5. Working through your thoughts and emotions
Avoidance never helped anyone. Neither did denial. The only way out is through!
Resistance, denial, and fear, are up there with guilt. They are killers. They lead to painful living, for sure.
Don’t avoid what you have to do, confront them. From a To Do list to even larger scale emotions and thoughts. Unpack. Understand. Develop a system.
6. We cannot use mental illness as playground insults
We cannot go around accusing people and falsely diagnosing others. We shouldn’t do that to ourselves either. Mental illness is a real thing. We cannot use these illnesses as insults. Especially that in contributes to this stigma that there is something to be ashamed of if you do have OCD or ADD or Depression.
I think it’s great that there is an open dialogue and access to knowledge surrounding mental illness and psychology. But I discourage the abuse of knowledge, especially the mind and such subject because we use them to put people down. It’s a slippery slope and it’s a complex system to enter. We need to be mindful in the way that we speak to others and ourselves.
7. Expressing yourself does not mean there is something wrong with you
So much talk about talk! We are often conditioned to think that talking means you are working through things. Sometimes you are. Sometimes you’re not. Either way, talking is fine! Talk! Express yourself. If you’re a talker or you’re a sharer, then talk and share!
Inspire yourself and inspire others!
8. Go through what you need to go through
Find your system. Find your meditations, your prayers, your techniques, your inspiration. Allow life to send you all the things you need to sort through. Welcome the lessons life is so magically letting flow your way. Go through it all! The good, the bad, the joyful, and the painful. All of it. Welcome it. Sit with it. Become friends with all of it. Then move on. Continue your journey. You don’t have to keep all your friends. Sometimes you grow apart. The same applies to lessons or baggage through which you need to sort.
9. Like any phase in your life, you will feel that moment of freedom
At some point, you will say: enough is enough. You will have done the work, you have accepted. Take a breath. Don’t attach. Send light. No one deserves to live in pain. Don’t wish pain on others. No matter the other person’s scope, you must jus appreciate others and send light. There is no value judgment placed on people anymore. Jus love and kindness.
10. Feel free to connect and share!
Always feel comfortable and free to get in touch and share. 🙂